Pertaining to Devor’s text, of the five sexes I am and forever will be a woman. Pertaining to classification in modern society of what a woman is, I fit all qualifications. I was born with all of the anatomical, physiological and hormonal features and functions that would pertain to all women. I am one hundred percent straight and have complete sexual admiration for men in the common sense that individuals have for each other in a respectable manner. Although almost all straight women share similar if not the same views, sexual biological stand point and can be categorized from the above as all woman. Unfortunately in our society there is and may be forever the need to prove that we are real women.
By the term real woman, it is not only meant that your body looks and functions as a typical woman’s body would, but that you also act as a woman. Otherwise, you will be deemed to masculine, un-lady like or tomboyish. But what really and truly defines what a person can and cannot do because it is against their sex? As a woman I am allowed to wear dresses and skirts, to cry and feel emotional and express my many emotions. Strange emotions are almost always given away to the term premenstrual syndrome, therefore suggesting only women are emotional or hormonal. But is it okay if a man decides to give way to his feelings and cry while watching a sad movie or become emotional when he is sad? What about tears of joy when a male is happy at the birth of a puppy? To many including myself those actions are indeed un-manly.
He must toughen up and to suck up his tears is always what little boys hear when they fall off the swings or their pet suddenly dies. Why are we conditioned in this manner? It is gender roles set by our society. In our society for centuries man have played the role of the breadwinner, the provider, the protector, all roles that must be fulfilled by someone that has some form of strength to them. What of women, our role in the past hundred years and beyond was to be the homemaker, raise the kids, and be delicate as a flower and sweet as honey.
With all of these boundaries placed between men and women the only choice there is, is to conform. As a woman I find strength in being capable of doing anything a man can do, I can drive just as good, even better than males of my level of driving experience. I have more knowledge of cars and other things that would be deemed only for boys. I love science and math which for many was that as an area only fond of by boys. I also would one day enjoy being able to drive large trucks of any sort. When saying this to a guy that I was once interested in he says “I don’t think its right for women to drive trucks. I think its un-lady like. I want a wife that I can come home to after work and cook my dinner.” In similar words he also stated that he wanted his wife to work, particularly a high paying job, preferably in medicine, and clean the house and fulfill other womanly roles. Quite obviously the friendship never progressed into anything romantic after that conversation however I always wondered, why must I be forbidden to do things because my private parts are different. In the western world I can say the same thing about a man wearing a skirt or a dress. It is obscene and unheard of in America. However were to visit Scotland, would we not see men openly wearing kilts, with pride and enjoyment.
For my part all I can truly do is be myself whether it fits into the male category or the female category. I believe that goes for all men, women, and naturally born transsexual. The only thing that can possibly done in goodness to be true to yourself.
I’m curious about certain points in your blog. Here, where you say the following: “I am one hundred percent straight and have complete sexual admiration for men in the common sense that individuals have for each other in a respectable manner. Although almost all straight women share similar if not the same views, sexual biological stand point and can be categorized from the above as all woman.” I’m not sure what you’re getting at. How is your sexual orientation is relevant to your femininity? There are men that brim with testosterone [and it’s evident to everyone around them, as they fit gender norms] that are homosexual. They aren’t effeminate because they’re gay. Same goes for women. I didn’t read the text well due to some technical issues, so feel free to tell me if it’s somehow related due to the article.
ReplyDeleteOn another point, you say, “I love science and math which for many was that as an area only fond of by boys.” I’d like to clarify this. Women have be shown to suffer severely from something called Stereotype Threat. Schmader and Johns found in their study that women under Stereotype Threat verified lower working memory capacity and poorer performance on a difficult math test. This and others have shown repeatedly why women, even when given the same opportunity as men, have performed lower in the more analytical sciences, such as math and so on. This was also true of African Americans when tested on their intellectual abilities.
Digressing back to my first point, you fully ground yourself as your gender. You make very clear you fit all the qualification of femininity, yet appreciate things “guy” things, respectively. My question is this: If you can see yourself as partaking in societal “masculine” things but still very much consider yourself a woman, how do you rationalize your seeing a weeping man as un-masculine? How do you still qualify as all things that society would deem proper, and then come, for a “female,” and logically conclude that an emotional man is not much of a man?
Isn’t that a bit of a double standard?
I agree with you that people are too readily put into categories of proper and improper as reference to gender. I am proud to refer to myself as a woman. I would be just as proud if I were male to refer to myself as a man. I do not always fit into the cookie cutter definition of what a woman is or “should be”. I can be emotional, but I rarely cry. People have asked me why I do not cry. Do I look at it as a weakness? No I do not. I think sometimes it could be strength to be able to release myself in such a way, but that has never been who I am. The only time I really cry is over something trivial such as a movie or song, but I don’t cry over real life situations. Does this make me any less feminine? I don’t think so. Femininity or masculinity, or the so-called examples of each, are put upon individuals by society. Why is one thing feminine while another is masculine? Why can’t a woman want to drive a truck? Why can’t a man be emotional and still be looked at as male? It is society’s, our own individual preconceptions that reinforce such stereotypes. I feel I should not feel inept because one day I am a “girly-girl” and another a “tom boy”. They are both sides of my personalities. When I read the article, the idea occurred to me, that male, female, herm, merm, or ferm, we are all a mix of different experiences and preferences. We are all a little bit male/female if not biologically then at least socially and emotionally. This should not break people apart but rather bring them closer together in acknowledgment of our similarities.
ReplyDeleteMelanchoy, you miss understand me. I explain my female gender so thoroughly to explain thst even to sociteies standards of what a female person is, that I still favour somethings deemed masculine. By this I mean that according to a majority percentage of people in our country a normal women is deemed to be a straight individual possesing the average feminine traits. A normal man is deemed a straight individual that posses the stereotypical masculine traits. I use these representatives to show that as the constant representation of how we are idealized to live. I then go on to explain what people deemed mostly masculine and its appeal to me, to show the contrast of what the world really is. Most people will in the modern world will not fit into the cookie cutter image of man and woman that I placed before you. We are all different and unique so the usual terms used to define gender does not have to apply to us anymore to fully establish our identity whether male, female, intersex, homosexual or heterosexual.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to me deeming that men crying is un-masculine, that is simply "a product of my environment" so to speak. When growing up I can't recalling seeing a man cry. When witnessing women cry it was usually over something that I deemed trivial at the time. Now I see men cry, I am unused to it. It is very foreign to me, that at a painstakingly slow pace I am adapting to.
The point you make about being deprived of these things just because our "private parts are different" really is something that is true more often than not. There really should not be a reference to gender when determining the ability of someone to perform a function. I think humans have their internal conflicts that sometimes come out at the price of another person. The conversation you mention is a classic example where these traditional ideas come back. Generally speaking people prefer to stay apart of the majority groups or being masculine or feminine. I remember a classmate of ours mentioned that a co-worker of hers would not lift a box for her because of the job requirements that stated she must be able to lift that much. Of course, she perceived it as rude but he honestly did the right thing by not helping out and allowing this conformity to continue. I speak purely as a third party, not really knowing her conditions that day but when you are honest with yourself it does make sense. Most of the time women and men want to be treated equally but it means we have to really put down our own needs or selfish desires to be seen as equals. Women should be able to drive trucks and men should be able to show emotions when they feel necessary. It does have a lot to do with our environment and surroundings as we grow up but the context in which we all grow up are considerably the same in reference to our gender.
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